“Where were you last night?” Alison wanted to know in a shrill tone.
“I spent the night at Rabbit’s after the party.” I told her from Rabbit’s phone, mine was dead. “I wanted to stay after the last BART back to the City.” Alison didn’t have anything to say to that except to hurry home.
Rabbit had taken me to the BART and was standing off at a polite distance while I spoke with Alison. When I rang off Rabbit said I should have called last night. I had wanted to do what I wanted to do, and not wanted to fight about it. I had gone without my pills and really didn’t sleep, just lay in the dark listening to Original Synergie breathing next to me. Funny, he sleeps with a pillow over head like I prefer. I didn’t have one. Alison called my head pillow the mushroom until she tried it herself, then it was the Sleep Crown. Maybe an aluminum hat would be more effective, but the Sleep Crown keeps my dreams at bay.
“‘Drugs are bad.’” I had made a fool of myself the night before, and all I had done was smoke pot, which sometimes over-stimulates me. I had gotten up in the morning and said some things to Rabbit which later Rabbit would call me on, note to self, never joke about rape. In fact, just keep your mouth shut.
The BART was on the weekend schedule, with no direct train to San Francisco from the Richmond/Fremont line. I was hung over, in trouble with Alison and Rabbit, and had a 20 minute wait for the train having just missed one. And no phone. I was lonely and dissatisfied. No book or anything to write on, just my own inner resources. Which I lack. When there is nothing else, I can pace. Pace I did, trying not to think about last night, or the homecoming I dreaded. “Where were you last night?” “I was at a party and wanted to do what I wanted to do.” I was aware of how inadequate that was, but that was all I had.
